Is Dubai on the Outfucked Planet Earth or Nephilims From Planet Nibiru. Numero Uno Sharia Scammer UBS Slashes 10,000 jobs due to Poor Seigniorage as Mashreq Bank Q3 Profit jumps 86%.

Now Shut-up, Sit-down & Listen to Reuters Thesaurused Fiction Fortified Rhetoric Media-Whores Andrew Torchia propagandized by Sophie Hares after some mind-steroids must-read from la-Figaro your discretion is advised:

UBS supprimera sans doute jusqu'à 10.000 emplois dans le monde entier, exposée qu'elle est à une baisse de ses revenus et à des exigences de fonds propres devenues plus strictes, a déclaré aujourd'hui une source proche de la première banque suisse. La banque devrait annoncer ces suppressions de postes à l'occasion de la publication de ses résultats du troisième trimestre la semaine prochaine, a ajouté la source..

Here’s Reuters horsemanure oops ain’t bona-petit though..

Oct 24 (Reuters) - Mashreq, Dubai's second-biggest bank by stock market value, on Wednesday posted an 86 percent year-on-year jump in net profit for the third quarter of this year, citing a decline in bad loan provisions. Net profit climbed to 379 million dirhams ($103 million) in the quarter from 204 million dirhams a year earlier, according to Reuters calculations based on the bank's nine-month earnings statement. For the first nine months of the year, profit rose 28 percent to 970 million dirhams, Mashreq said. "The last two quarters in particular have shown very promising trends which have culminated in healthy bottom line growth," Abdul Aziz Al Ghurair, Mashreq's chief executive, said in the statement. "We are witnessing increasing stability in the UAE and look forward to continuing this positive growth in the coming quarters." A forecast by analysts at Arqaam Capital had put third-quarter net profit at 242 million dirhams. Mashreq's provisions for bad loans fell 37 per cent from a year earlier to 533 million dirhams in the first nine months. Lending throughout the United Arab Emirates banking sector was flat at the end of August compared to the end of the second quarter, according to central bank figures. It has grown 1.8 percent since the beginning of the year. Dubai's largest bank, Emirates NBD, said on Monday it expected loan growth to remain relatively modest as global uncertainty hits demand. It posted forecast-beating quarterly results due to lower bad loan provisioning. The Dubai economy is recovering from its 2009-2010 corporate debt crisis, with signs this year that real estate prices have started rising. Fitch Ratings affirmed Mashreq's 'A' rating on September 26, adding the restructuring of some of its larger problem loans and a change in strategy would help boost core earnings. Mashreq's loans and advances grew to 40.5 billion dirhams in September 2012 from 37.7 billion dirhams at the end of 2011. Customer deposits shrank 4.1 percent to 43.5 billion dirhams as the bank shed high-cost deposits.